Doggy dilemas

Sitting downstairs from 6.30 am with this one on my knee because….as an older lady…..she has perfected the “if you don’t come down I may be going to pee in the house but actually I just think you should feed me and give me a cuddle” bark…….And I can’t take any chances. Not only that but my Newfoundland ( who is also elderly) doesn’t appreciate the early morning barking either. He assumes she is aware of danger and he needs to take action……. Like find somewhere to hide or find someone to protect him!

Meanwhile this boy feels the need to gather as many of my clothes as his tiny body can drag to my bed. As I was sorting out my wardrobe yesterday he’s obviously been too busy to get much sleep last night!

For those who don’t know me I currently have 4 dogs……Or rather they currently have me. I love them all very much and they all have very different petsonalities……But after a night out on the town with a few glasses of red wine I could do without the early morning alarm call! So next time she does this I shall put my head under the pillow and ignore them both……..Though that may be difficult if the newfy tries to get into bed with us as he has done before when terrified 😫

Teed off

Marriage tip -Don’t let your husband play golf near anywhere you love to walk.

Me, walking, enjoying the mountains, the sand dunes with the sea appearing, the sound of the birds, the sound of the waves …….And him rabbiting on “Can you see that green over there that’s where Jonny…….” “Look at the the tee box…..when I teed off from there……”

I’m pretty teed off myself! Thank goodness dogs don’t golf! Stick with the dogs for walking …..You may have to pick up 💩 but you want have to listen to it 🙉

PS I love him really ❤️

Who loves ya baby

So I’m currently listening to a hypnosis app to help me eat healthier and hopefully lose weight. It’s working I think- the world population of jelly babies is currently safe while last week I was almost single-handedly putting them on the endangered species list.

I suppose I am fairly suggestible…..I did spend an evening starting off going to watch a stage hypnotist and ended up crawling under tables looking for my leprochaun. My husband thought the funniest part was when I was made to believe the hypnotist was my dream man….George Clooney. I sobbed and told I was devastated his pig had died. Not what he’d expected…..He didn’t know that the reason George was my dream man was because he had until recently been the owner of a much-loved pot bellied pig. Apparently not everyone knew that!!!

I go to the cinema to watch a movie and before the movie starts I want to leave to get a new phone,a Spanish beer and join the Territorial Army! I’m an advertiser’s dream!

So my hypnotist today has suggested that I think of someone who loves me deeply and try looking at myself through their eyes. I think it’s working……I keep seeing myself as a doggie sausage!

Dogs, dogs and more dogs

My family think I’m obsessed with dogs which is totally nonsense. I’m not obsessed with them at all……I just like them that’s all……quite a lot.

Most dogs like me too. That’s the reason I have to stop to say hello to them. I can see them looking at me as I walk past……Not in a passing glance sort of way but in a very definite “Yoohoo I’m over here” way! It would be hurtful to ignore that!

My husband was adamant I should at least have tried to ignore it at LA airport security but the beautiful springer spaniel was determined I should talk to him before he carried out his search duties….Which did cause both my husband and the security guard a few anxious moments.

I wonder if I’ve been a dog in a past life? Is that why I have that affinity with them? I don’t generally sniff lampposts or greet people with a nose up their bottom but I do like eating, sleeping, going for walks and being made a fuss off. To be fair in my other past life working with young children I have followed a few around, nose close to bottom height sniffing -not my favourite part of the job 😷 💩

Anyway I’m certainly not obsessed with dogs- despite the fact my son just told me that his friend says he tells his new pup “just a quick hello then walk on” is appropriate on meeting another dog. ” Just like we need to keep reminding you mum!”

What’s it all about anyway?

Now including footage of my pole dancing routine!

Woman on the verge

Definition of verge – an edge or border, an extreme limit beyond which something specified will happen. Oxford Dictionary

So what am I on the verge off? What is it that’s going to happen?

I’ve been on the verge of a mental breakdown….well possibly toppled off the verge- in the past so thankfully not that.

On the verge of a new career? I keep trying that but not very successfully. So far I’ve ruled out Dog walker, classroom assistant, Relax Kids coach, survey interviewer……can I just say that this one was the most disappointing of all! I thought I was going to call with nice people who’d be happy to answer government surveys for the greater good of mankind! Turned out I was expected to check people’s bins to see if they were actually living in the house but hiding behind the curtains when they saw me. If I got…

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Dirty dancing

Well not quite “dirty” but certainly not what I was expecting. At the tender age of 52 I was thinking I’d love to do a dance class for fitness. A friend suggested I came along to her burlesque class. Now I shouldn’t have been surprised but I was. There were subtle clues I totally missed

1. The friend was in her early 20’s

2. The class was in a pole dancing studio

3. We were told to bring feather boas

4. It was called “burlesque”

I’m not sure quite what I expected but what I didn’t expect was the friend (and instructor )to be in her underwear (although my husband wanted to join the following week when I told him) . Nor did I expect to have to dance seductively……My seducing days were long last……Actually I’m pretty sure I missed out on them completely.

The highlight of my night was learning how to remove my stocking “seductively”.I think what made it even more interesting was that I wasn’t wearing stockings but I was given a thick woolly over-the-knee sock as a substitute.

Now I don’t want you to have nightmares but just picture a 52 year old lady in T-shirt and leggings seductively removing a big woolly sock and you’ll see why I never made it to a second class. I think I need to work on my moves 😳🙈

Dogs and disasters on the world wide web

This is Barney. I’ve always loved cocker spaniels from an early age. One day I decided that I would like to get one. So I got Barney. Not a rescue dog but a pup from a small “hobby breeder” who had two beautiful bitches that he showed. I did my homework, pre-internet and gumtree days, before I choose the breeder and the pup.

Barney came with a pedigree as long as your arm but it was still no guarantee of healthy dog. My poor wee man took his first seizure at 6 months and died at just 4 despite all the medication he was on having gone into “status epilepticus” or constant seizures.

But this isn’t about pedigree v mongrel, rescue v buying or about Barney’s ill health …except that it was mainly because of Barney I began to use the internet and became familiar with Google……Possibly over familiar 🤔

Barney was a black cocker and was hairier than the average cocker. He was also slightly on the large side. People were always asking me what breed he was……I was so delighted to meet one lady in the park who commented on how beautiful he was and how he was “very obviously a good pedigree” .l

….then asked “what breed is he?”

Wouldn’t have been so bad but she had a golden cocker with her.

So back I went to google. It had been a godsend when it came to getting information about canine epilepsy and treatments available. At least I thought so……Ian my vet got quite irritated by my constant “helpful advice”.

“You wouldn’t go to your doctor and tell him how to treat your children would you?”

Course not! Thanks to dr google’s advice I rarely had to take my children to the doctor!

Anyway back to Barney. He couldn’t be that unusual for his breed could he? So I did a search of Google images “cocker big black hairy male” ………And that was how I learned about internet safety settings 🙈