I’ve always been tall and slim….well nearly always. Being tall is actually the trick to being slim…..you can eat more than your small friends and if you put on a couple of lbs it’s spread more thinly over a greater area!
But now I’m in my 50’s there are wobbly rolls appearing and dimply bits!
I know it’s still possible to be slim at 50 plus! I have slim friends but they eat less and exercise more and I haven’t yet accepted that this is the only route to restoring my body to its former glory!
So I tried Skinny Coffee. I mean …..I like coffee and I want to be skinny….perfect!
Slight problem- it’s disgusting. Soooooo I mixed it up with real coffee which made it drinkable. But I can’t drink coffee without a biscuit so I drank more coffee and ate more biscuits 🤷♀️
A week later I’m not skinny. I am however very agitated and my concentration which previously measured about 3 on a scale of 1-10 is now
Remember life has no filters but social media has them by the bucketload! Everyone has their wrinkles and bags in real life!
All jeans sorted into three piles
1. We’ve got this
2. Don’t give up on us baby
3. Are you for real
You may call it middle age spread……I prefer to call it chocolate spread!
Marriage tip -Don’t let your husband play golf near anywhere you love to walk.
Me, walking, enjoying the mountains, the sand dunes with the sea appearing, the sound of the birds, the sound of the waves …….And him rabbiting on “Can you see that green over there that’s where Jonny…….” “Look at the the tee box…..when I teed off from there……”
I’m pretty teed off myself! Thank goodness dogs don’t golf! Stick with the dogs for walking …..You may have to pick up 💩 but you want have to listen to it 🙉
PS I love him really ❤️
So I’m currently listening to a hypnosis app to help me eat healthier and hopefully lose weight. It’s working I think- the world population of jelly babies is currently safe while last week I was almost single-handedly putting them on the endangered species list.
I suppose I am fairly suggestible…..I did spend an evening starting off going to watch a stage hypnotist and ended up crawling under tables looking for my leprochaun. My husband thought the funniest part was when I was made to believe the hypnotist was my dream man….George Clooney. I sobbed and told I was devastated his pig had died. Not what he’d expected…..He didn’t know that the reason George was my dream man was because he had until recently been the owner of a much-loved pot bellied pig. Apparently not everyone knew that!!!
I go to the cinema to watch a movie and before the movie starts I want to leave to get a new phone,a Spanish beer and join the Territorial Army! I’m an advertiser’s dream!
So my hypnotist today has suggested that I think of someone who loves me deeply and try looking at myself through their eyes. I think it’s working……I keep seeing myself as a doggie sausage!
Well not quite “dirty” but certainly not what I was expecting. At the tender age of 52 I was thinking I’d love to do a dance class for fitness. A friend suggested I came along to her burlesque class. Now I shouldn’t have been surprised but I was. There were subtle clues I totally missed
1. The friend was in her early 20’s
2. The class was in a pole dancing studio
3. We were told to bring feather boas
4. It was called “burlesque”
I’m not sure quite what I expected but what I didn’t expect was the friend (and instructor )to be in her underwear (although my husband wanted to join the following week when I told him) . Nor did I expect to have to dance seductively……My seducing days were long last……Actually I’m pretty sure I missed out on them completely.
The highlight of my night was learning how to remove my stocking “seductively”.I think what made it even more interesting was that I wasn’t wearing stockings but I was given a thick woolly over-the-knee sock as a substitute.
Now I don’t want you to have nightmares but just picture a 52 year old lady in T-shirt and leggings seductively removing a big woolly sock and you’ll see why I never made it to a second class. I think I need to work on my moves 😳🙈
I’m a dog lover -always have been- but I’m always willing to help out a animals in distress. I’ve chased cows in high heels ( to be fair they don’t run fast in high heels 😉) I’m always looking out for sheep that might need rolling over (Google it if you don’t know …..I’m not here to educate). So I’m appealing to all horse owner please keep your horses secure!
I’m tired of standing in the road late at night or early morning trying to slow down traffic while drivers toot recklessly at “the mad woman in onesie playing with her horse in the middle of the road”
I know nothing about horses…..Except they’re big and I don’t ever want to see what happens when one collides with a car!
My poor husband’s face the night he was wakened out of bed by banging at the door and came down to find me and a very large, strange horse looking through the glass!
“I don’t care what you say Deborah under no circumstances are you bringing that into our house!”
I only wanted him to ring the police for me 😂
So if you see a woman in a onesie or in a dress and high heels with a horse, or a cow in the middle of the road please slow down! Better still offer to help even if only by phoning the police! She is either just trying to stop an accident……Or she needs locked up for her own good…..Or possibly both 😜