Holiday tips – I know I should have published earlier!

1. Never wear a bikini on a super-fast water slide-both parts will travel at different speeds

2. Listen carefully to the plans for the day. Platform flip-flops and a big book to read are not essentials for climbing mountains

3. Learn the native language. When American customs ask you to remove all tablets from your hand luggage they want to see your iPad NOT youranti-histamines, anti-inflammatories, antibiotics and painkillers.

4. Learn local customs. In the US security checks “put your hands above your head and make the shape of a diamond” does not mean they want you to look like a teletubby with a carefully-formed diamond shape made with fingers and thumbs on your head.

5. Beware of local animals. Especially dogs. Particularly dogs around airport security belts. Apparently it’s not appropriate to call them over for a treat and you’re not even supposed to have dog treats in your pocket when going from one continent to another.

6. Bikinis again are not recommended for body boarding….You will not look like a Baywatch babe unless you have a figure like a Baywatch babe AND you know what you are doing. You will end up sitting with waves crashing over you trying to retrieve your bottoms and rearrange your top while your body boards sails merrily off into the distance!

7. Wear matching socks going through airport security.

8. Do not place your underwear at the top of your hand luggage – you will probably want to put other items in it once you get through security and underwear has a habit of trying to make a run for it the minute you unzip your luggage so don’t make it easy for it!

9. Make sure you lock the toilet door on an aeroplane no matter how urgent it is and how “they must have seen me go in”!

10. Don’t ever pull those strings “to see what happens” if you’ve been allocated a disabled room…… Definitely don’t do it more than once!

Safe trip, relax, have fun!