That magic pill

You know the one. It promises you extra energy, weight loss, relief from chronic pain and your skin is going to look 20 years younger.

Oh it comes in many different guises ( and prices) but I’m sure you’ve seen it advertised. You may even have a box at the back of your medicine cupboard from that one time you decided to give it a go.

Now hands up all of you who are like me 👋🏼 ? How many of you haven’t been content with wasting your hard earned cash just once but feel compelled to buy it over and over again …..because “this one has amazing reviews”?

Did you ever check out those reviews? Once I did and noticed that several people who raved about the weight dropping off, energy increasing, wrinkles disappearing were also saying similar about other pills. Now either these people were selling the pills themselves, getting something for their reviews, enjoying a laugh at everyone’s expense (literally) or they are now 60 year olds who look like skinny, teenagers on speed.

There is a very serious side to this as we really have no idea what it is we’re putting in our mouths when we buy these and we probably should be looking inside us to see what is missing.

Having said that there are times you are so desperate you will try anything. I was once covered literally from head to toe in a very itchy rash for months. Anti-histamines didn’t help, creams, baking soda baths, rubbing myself with urine from unneutered Tom cats…….( I didn’t actually try that one because our Tom was neutered #bearesponsiblecatowner).

I did go privately to a dermatologist who had no more idea than I had.

“Could it be scabies?” I asked

“Why do you think that?”

“Because my mother-in-law is in a nursing home and I’ve heard that scabies is common in nursing homes.”

“Yes let’s treat you for scabies”

Now “treating you for scabies” means treating the whole family….And the house. But “we” did……and we did again two weeks later….and it didn’t help.

Now any sane person would have taken this as a sign the rash was not scabies…It wasn’t even following the typical pattern of a scabies rash……but sanity isn’t something I buy into.

A few appointments with Dr Google and I found out that this wonderful drug could cure scabies once and for all. Unfortunately as it wasn’t licensed for scabies the consultant wouldn’t prescribe it. I discovered however that it was readily available on Amazon….. in the guise of an apple flavoured gel……for worming horses.

So several days and several apple gel, horse wormer, sandwiches later……guess what? I still had a rash…..but I could clear fences without a problem 🐎

Anyway I never did get to the bottom of the rash but it eventually disappeared and still occasionally reappears. Never got rid of my wrinkles either and I’m still working on weight loss with the help of Paul McKenna “I can think you thin”

Problem is I’m getting embarrassed every morning when he pops upon my phone to ask me how I’m feeling today and I have to tell him I’ve just had cake for breakfast #thinkharderpaul #wecandothis….but I should point out. Hypnotherapy may not help me but at least it won’t kill me. Buying unregulated magic kills (or horse wormer) could well have!