The things children say

You know how you always wish you’d written down things your children said but you don’t….because when they’re little you don’t have time to? So I’m going to jot down things my own and those I’ve taught have said as I remember them.

1. “We’ve a new dinner lady and her name is “Grease”. I know because because our teacher said “Everyone put your hands together for “Grease” then Grease wheels the dinner in” – I maybe needed to explain a little more about prayer to this one 🤔

2. “My mummy has hair just like you Mrs Anderson….white with a black stripe in the middle”

3. “Teacher I remember now who you look like……Britney Speers” ( I’m only twice her age though 😂 maybe I shouldn’t wear bobby socks and belly tops any more 🤷‍♀️😉)

4. Me “Class I have sad news. You know Mrs T took our little guinea pig to the vet because he wasn’t very well…..sometimes vets can’t make animals better”

Child “You mean he’s dead? Can we have a funeral? What’s for dinner today?”

5. When an 8 year old child is given a homework where he has to write a sentence for each of the list of occupations he was given so he writes “The steeplejack was sick and didn’t go to work that day” 🤷‍♀️

6. “Teacher I want to tell you a secret but you mustn’t tell anyone”

Me mentally preparing to jot down word for word in my child protection notebook

“My daddy has Superman pants and he farted in them!” 😳

7. Me “Don’t worry you just got a little bit of yoghurt on my sleeve ….it will wash off”

3 year old boy -distraught “And will you be able to wear it to school again?” Nods

“Will you wear it with those trousers” Nods

“And will you wear it with your beautiful red, shiny shoes?” What else 👠?

8. Child 1 “My mummy got a new kettle and it’s yellow”

Me to child 2 “Oh I’d love a coloured kettle do you have a coloured kettle too?”

Child 2 “Our kettle is black and white……and mummy didn’t close the gate right and they all got out of the field onto the road” 🐄